Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Life's Final Breath

For most of you who are reading this it will be Wednesday Feb 9, 2011.

Mom went home to heaven at around 11:10pm last night.

It was a hard day but the most peaceful and wonderful home going.

After a rather hard day of breathing and LOTS of mucus coming up and rattling the CNA came and gave her a bath. Helen helped the CNA rub lotion on her body and get her turned and settled. How much the whole scene brought to mind the scriptures about the death of Christ.

The nurse said she wouldn't be surprised if tonight would be the night. Helen and I sat with her and talked to her and cried. I felt I wanted to read some more out of "Hinds Feet on High Places" which I have been reading to mom since her cancer diagnosis. The following is what I read.

When he had finished, Much-Afraid lifted her face toward the High Places which were quie invisible and spoke quitely through the mist. "My Lord, behold me-here I am, in the place thou didst send me to-doing he thing thou didst tell me to do, for where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried; the Lord do so to me, and more also if aught but death part thee and me. Ruth 1:17
Still there was silence, a silence as of the grave, for indeed she was in the grave of her own hopes and still without the promised hinds' feet, still outside the High Places with even the promise to be laid down on the altar. This was the place to which the long, heartbreaking journey had led her. Yet just once more before she laid it down on the altar, Much-Afraid repeated the glorious promise which had been the cause of her staring for the High Places, "The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet and he will make me to walk upon mine High Places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments" Hab 3:19
The priest put forth a hand of steel right into her heart. There was a sound of rending and tearing, and the human love, with all its myriad rootlets and fibers, came forth. He held it for a moment and then said, "Yes, it was ripe for removal, the time had come."

With that reading my mother took her final breath and went to be with the Lord. That was not the end of the book, but it was the end of my mothers earthly life.

Helen and I were soooo blessed at that moment. We looked at each other and smiled. What a spiritual high we have been on since.

We know that the angels are rejoicing but with that came the demons reviling, that another soul had arrived with the Lord. We would ask that you pray for us now more than before, that we will be able put on the armour of God and stand the test.

Thank you for walking with us on this journey, for all those that brought meals, called and prayed for us.

To God be the glory. Keo

2nd update for today 2/8

The nurse just came in 9:18am and moms bp is 80/40 and she is running a temp of 101.6. The dr said she must be a fighter. He said the most she would live with that bp is a few days.

8am Tuesday Feb 8

Good morning friends and family,

Long night. Mom has lots of fluid she tries to cough up especially when they turn her. They are turning her about every 4 hours now. Helen and I rubbed her back during the night which she likes. We think she responds when we stop as she makes the same little noise.

This is getting harder as time goes on. I cried this morning. I pray God would take her soon. I know she will not go home one second early or one second later than God planned before she was even born. God will use every second of her life, every breath she breathes. It is hard stepping back and watching and waiting, but to God be the glory.

We have met MANY families here that have lost loved ones since we came. Another man died last night around 4am.

So hard, why don't we live every day like it is our last for God's glory.

Thank you Father!! Love Keo

Monday, February 7, 2011

Day 6, Monday Feb 7

Friends and family,

God continues to show his faithfulness to us even in the smallest way. Last night I told Helen I wish they had a vending machine because I really wanted some peanut M&M's. This morning when we got up and went to the kitchen guess what was there! Yes peanut M&M's.

I also want to share that the nurse that had asked me about borrowing the lotion came in and was almost crying when she said she saw all the lotion I had bought. She told us she was going to share the house book. She came back in and gave us a scrap book and told us that her mother was the one that started this hospice house. She said when her father was dying her mother had no where to take him. After he died she decided she didn't want anyone else to go through what she went through.

We had a great weekend with lots of wonderful visitors and it was an emotional and spiritual high.

Mom is now on around the clock pain meds instead of waiting until she is uncomfortable. She is much more unresponsive now because of that but we know she still hears and understand some. They gave her a shot last night and her eyes flew open.

We have come to the point that we are asking that no one come to visit her except family or pastors. I know you will all understand and will continue to pray for us. Its hard to believe mom has been at hospice house for 6 days.

I pray these emails make sense as I am quickly typing them but want to update those who want to know what is going on.

Love, Keo

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sunday update

God is merciful!! I usually meet with a couple of wonderful sisters on Sunday morning but didn't think I would be able to today. One was not able to make it so the other came and met with Helen and I today at Hospice. WOW.

More blessings, one of the nurses the other day asked to borrow some of my moms lotion, wonderful Ulta Citrus Verbena for another patient. She came back and said the lady was so te Hankful. That gave me an idea to purchase some for the Hospice house to use with their patients. I decided to look on the internet to possible order some and found out they were clearanced for $2.99. They were $3.99 the other day. They didn't have that many choices on the internet so I decided to run up to Ulta here in Palm Bay. I spoke with the manager and she gave me a number to call Ulta to see if they would donate some but I purchased several to bring back. The manager said they had just marked them down to $2.99 today.

The Dr. came in this morning and said that mom was getting closer to her last days. He also said that he thought on Thursday after her bowels had emptied that maybe should would be able to come home but after her transition knew it wouldn't happen. This is the same thing that we thought so it was nice to be on the same page. He said as she gets closer that she might get more aggitated and we should watch to see if she needs more pain meds.

GOD IS MERCIFUL. He is using this time to touch soooo many lives. We have been able to also talk and share lives with others who are here with their husbands, wifes, fathers and mothers.

Thanks for your continued prayers and lifting us up to the Lord. Also for those wonderful friends and church family who have been brining us food for our physical bodies.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Saturday Update

Hi friends and family,

Mom has now been here for almost 4 days. The first 2 days were pretty good for what had been going on but Thursday night she had a transition. She has been mostly unresponsive and you can see she is in the last stages of earthly life and is preparing for heaven.

We called most of her family and friends and let them talk to her even though there was not much of a response.

Boy has SKYPE been wonderful. Helen has her computer here and she was able to SKYPE my brother and her kids and grandkids so they could see mom and talk to her. What a blessing of this computer age.

We are not sure how long this phase will last but our prayer is that God will use it for His glory.

My church family has been wonderful and has been brining us food. God provided a suite here at hospice so Helen and I are both able to be here and stay the night. My aunt has been coming during the day and that has allowed Helen and I to go home for an hour or so to take showers and change.

As of yesterday mom has not been able to get out of bed and use the bathroom so now has a cath.

Hospice has also been a wonderful blessing and the nurses keep up with her pain and nausea meds which is wonder.

I think that is all the updates for now. Again THANK YOU for all your prayers and support.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Feb 3rd 2011

Arrival at hospice house was uneventful. Helen was able to ride with mom there. They gave her some pain meds via a liquid in the mouth and gave her some meds to calm her. Her blood pressure dropped to normal 110/80. It had been skyrocketing since her visit to the hospital on the 4th of Jan and she had been taking 320mg of Diovan since them.

The nurse told us that she thinks she will not be coming home and that she is in the stages of dying. I really don't know what she means. Yes she has cancer but was up and around and eating and doing bible study except for the blockage. Of course her GP told us that when she was released from the hospital she probably only had 3 days to live. That was a month ago.

I don't think she was there 30 minutues when her system decided to start clearning out. Problem was it continued every few min. for over 4 hours.

The dr was supposed to come in some time after 4pm but around 5:30pm I had to leave as I really needed some food and some sleep. The dr came in I believe around 6:30pm. Helen said the dr told her that the bowel is probably trying to works its way around the blockage. But they don't really know whats going on either. Helen decided to stay the night. I think I actually got to sleep around 8:30pm and woke up at 5:30am.

I am going to have my quiet time and then take some meds to the hospital and she how she did through the night. They said they are going to keep mom on small amounts of food right now. Funny as our hospice nurse said she could have anything she wanted.

One thing about being with hospice is that there is NO emphasis on solving any health issues. Their goal is comfort. It is hard to make this transition especially when you know there is an issue that might be corrected.

I am praying for wisdom!!! I know my mom wants to die at home and I want to make that happen if possible. I am SOOOO thankful that she was at hospice yesterday because we could NOT have dealt with what happened.

Thank you for ALLLLL your prayers.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Cancer is back

October is the last time I wrote wow. Lets see if I can remember everything that has been going on since then.

We were never sure what had happened with the cancer as the drs office would not do a PET scan.

In December mom went to the hand dr and he tried some new meds and took her off the neurotin. It didn't really help.

January 4th!!! At 3:30am I woke up thinking my mother had called me. If she did she was sleep talking. I could not go back to sleep so laid there and at around 4:30am she started throwing up. When I got to her room I looked and it was dark brown. I knew right away that something was very wrong. I then began to look up on the internet what it might be. At 5:30am she started again. My husband was up then so I asked him to stay with her until I got dressed and headed to the emergency room. She told him she did not want to go. I decided to wait until the drs office opened and call them to see what they suggested. My husband suggested that we call 911 to see if they would come and check her out. Can you believe that 911 was busy!!?? Several times we could not get through.

At around 9:15am mom got up and I phoned the office the phone rang and rang and then when mom threw up again so I just decided to take her to the hospital.

We arrived there around 10:30am and things went pretty quickly. At 3:30pm they came in and told us that she had a bowel blockage and they were planning on checking her into the hospital but would call her GP. At around 4:45pm they came in and told us her GP wanted to see her before he checked her into the hospital. So around 6pm he finally came in and said her cancer had returned. Long story but we ended up having her transferred to the larger hospital so she could be seen by her oncologist.

She was in the hospital until Friday and was released her home on hospice. Hospice has been an interesting experience, lots of good and some frustration. We LOVE the nurse and she has been very helpful.

Hospice has come and checked her blood each week, dealt with the drs, provided some of her meds and tryed to make bathing and getting around with her walker.

This past week she had not been able to have a bowel movement. Last night she got very ill and lots of issues. We were able to talk with hospice during the night. The nurse on call was not very helpful but did give some suggestions. Our regular nurse called first thing this morning and we asked mom if she wanted to go to the hospital which was a NO. But she did consent to go to the hospice house.

At the hospice house they will be able to give her pain meds and nausea meds not in pill form and possibly try to get the bowels to start working. She will probably be there for 3 days and then asses. If she is getting better they will release her home again and if not they will continue to keep her there. It is not like a hospital setting and they allow them to bring their own blankets, pillows and anything else they want.

I am sooooo thankful that my sister Helen is here and that we were able to tag team last night and this morning. She was supposed to fly home Monday but extended until Thursday. All this started on Tuesday so God knew I needed someone here to help.

Sorry this is rushed and I haven't proofed it but wanted to up date those who didn't know.

Thanks for ALL your prayers and support.